She was so happy to see me when I returned from the hospital after giving birth to her sister.

As I entered the room, her face lighted up. We hugged, and I kissed her warm little cheeks. She gave me a wet kiss, then looked at her father, who entered the room after me carrying her newborn sister in the car seat.

“What’s that?” She asked, frowning.

The rest is well documented in our family photo albums, which clearly show that for my firstborn daughter, who was only two years old when her sister was born, the first few months after she became a sister were hard. We did our best to ease the transition, but when I look at the pictures now, I can see the stress in her little face, a cloud of sadness in her eyes. At least part of her joie de vivre was gone for a while. The good news: it came back.

My general approach to parenting is that we should do our best, forget about being perfect or avoiding mistakes, and give ourselves a break. Parenting is hard enough without adding to the stress by reaching for impossible goals. We can’t always make it right for our kids. There will be challenges and hardships, and that’s OK – learning to cope is part of life.

However, since most kids get a sibling while they’re still very young, they do need our help and guidance when learning to cope with their new situation. Here are a few ways to ease the transition:

1. Prepare your firstborn in advance. Like many other major life changes, advance preparation can only go so far, but it’s still better than nothing. Read books together, talk about your growing tummy and the growing baby inside it, encourage role playing, and let your firstborn feel the baby move and “talk” with her.

2. After the baby is born, encourage your firstborn to become your little helper. Establishing your firstborn as big and independent, in contrast to the tiny, helpless newborn, may give him a sense of purpose and pride. On the other hand, if your firstborn resists these efforts and only wants to be babied, you should respect that.

3. Be unapologetic. My own mistake as a new mom to two small children was feeling intense guilt towards my firstborn. I shouldn’t have. Having more than one child is your prerogative, and there’s absolutely nothing wrong with it. Be as natural and unapologetic about the entire situation as you can.

Whatever you do, there WILL be some stress and resentment when you bring home a second child. The truth is, for many families, the stress and resentment will never completely go away – sibling rivalry is an extremely common phenomenon. So do your best to prepare your child, be understanding and supportive during her struggle to adjust, make it clear that he cannot hurt his sibling and that having a sibling is completely normal, and remember: struggles and challenges are part of life – the trick is to learn how to bounce back and keep going.

Photo by Dianna

This is the second article in the series, The Recession and Our Family.

Affordable Summer Crafts for Kids

Summertime provides endless opportunities for activities to do with your kids.  But sometimes between the gas, parking fees and the inevitable ice cream or shaved ice, trips to the beach or the local water park leave your wallet feeling empty.  Here are three ideas for affordable summer crafts for kids you can do with items easily found around the house or inexpensive materials found at any craft store.

Summer Kids Crafts Ideas:

Baking Soda Volcano

What you’ll Need: empty bottle or can, about 2 gallons of dirt or sand, vinegar, baking soda, red food coloring

What to Do: First, pile the dirt or sand into the shape of a volcano with your child.  Carve out an opening at the top of the volcano and place the empty bottle or can in the opening.  Fill the container halfway with vinegar and add a few drops of food coloring.  Then add a tablespoon of baking soda.  Watch the eruption!

Rainy Day Tip: On a rainy day, you could do this activity inside by mixing 6 cups of flour, 2 cups of salt, 4 tablespoons of cooking oil and 2 cups of warm water together for the volcano materials (you won’t want to bring 2 gallons of dirt inside!) and placing it into a baking dish.  Then follow the same instructions as above, beginning with “Carve out an opening…”

Lollipop and Flower Gardens

What you’ll Need: green craft foam, buttons of varying colors, stiff construction paper of varying colors, green pipe cleaners, organic lollipops, scissors

What to Do:  You’ll first make button flowers. Cut out the shapes of flowers from construction paper. Depending on the age of the children, simply cutting a circle will work fine. For an older crowd, star or tulip shapes would also work well. Have each child choose a button to place in the center of the flower.

Poke a pipe cleaner through your flower so that it comes up and through the first hole of the button, then poke it down through the next hole in the button and through your flower. Twist the short end of the pipe cleaner around the long end, as close as possible to the flower and button.  Each child should make three flowers of different colors.

Cut the green craft foam into foot long pieces.  Hand each child their own green foam piece. This is their garden. Now have the children “plant” their flowers and some organic lollipops into the garden by poking the lollipop stick or pipe cleaner into the green foam.  The result is a colorful garden of lollipops and flowers!

Adapted from Kid-Friendly and Co-Ed Baby Showers by The Baby Bunch

Musical Rain Stick

What You’ll Need: Long cardboard tube (paper towel or mailing tubes work well), aluminum foil, uncooked rice or popcorn, packing tape, crayons or markers, other decorating materials (confetti, feathers, stickers)

What to Do: Tape shut one end of the tube with packing tape.  Pour a heaping handful of rice or popcorn into the tube.  Tear the foil into several one inch pieces and then drop them into the tube.  Seal the other end of the tube with packing tape.  Decorate the tube with crayons, markers and other materials.  Then shake your new rain stick and listen to the sounds of summer rain!

Okay, dude, she’s pregnant.  Nice work.  Assuming you’re gainfully employed, you’re looking real good with the in-laws about now.  In fact, play your cards right here, and everybody’s about to like you more than ever before!

Everybody?  Yes, everybody.  Your parents will think you’ve matured, your in-laws will finally, and perhaps grudgingly, accept the notion that you’re going to be around for a while, and everyone else will let out a sigh of relief as they anticipate you mellowing to the point that you’ll stop getting so worked up over the little things in life.

But this isn’t going to be quite as easy as it seems.  Seriously.  Your life is about to change, no matter what you currently think.   After two of my own, here’s a list of eleven realities of fatherhood that caught me off-guard (that’s right, this top ten list “goes to eleven”):

1. When’s it going to be about me again?  Most men are really boys at heart, and have as an aim in life to stay young as long as possible.  Since young is really just a synonym for “grossly self-absorbed and immature,” parenthood is an awakening for many men, a sad realization that, well, frankly, it’s not about them anymore…it’s about the kid(s).   It’s not about me anymore?  Well, that was a surprise.
2. I’m expected to change diapers?  Gross.  My dad never changed one.  Literally, he never changed a single diaper.  Me?  Not quite so lucky.  I don’t know what was more surprising, though, being expected to change diapers or realizing that it’s just not really that big of a deal.
3. Can I just go back to sleep?  Whether they keep you up late, wake you in the middle of the night, or are early risers, my days of sleeping ended the night my wife went into labor with our first child.  No, I’m not partying with Amy Winehouse, I look like death because I sleep about 4.5 hours per night.
4. Can I please get some privacy in the bathroom?  Apparently not.  I’m not sure when my master bathroom became a place for my family to convene, but it did.  We have plenty of bathrooms in the house, but the entire family now uses just one.  Yeah, I’ll be out in a minute…literally.
5. Why do we even bring more than one plate to the table?  Everyone wants what’s on mine.  It doesn’t really matter, though, since my plate generally goes unattended while I fetch napkins, more juice, silver ware, or anything else that’s needed.  I thought kids forced me to grow up, until I realized that I was waiting tables again.
6. Who knew my mother-in-law had so many opinions?  She does.  And, no, rubbing rum on my baby’s gums isn’t really an appropriate response to anything.  It does explain, though, why my wife is always ordering rum drinks.
7. Spongebob Squarepants is actually entertaining?  On second thought, maybe I don’t have to grow up!
8. Why is it that my bare feet are such good Lego detectors?  Ouch.  Seriously, my new vision of hell involves me barefooted in a dark room full of Legos.  I’ll never forgive Denmark for this.
9. What?  I couldn’t hear you over the din of three simultaneous monologues, especially while I was trying to follow the baseball game.  When did it get so loud in my house?
10. Why doesn’t it feel as strange as it would seem to wear a tiara while drinking imaginary tea in a room with pink walls?  And why didn’t I resist when my daughter asked me to paint the walls pink?   How could I?
11. How did my parents do this?  They made it seem easier than it is.  I can only hope that my children someday think the same thing about me.  Maybe it skips a generation, though; maybe my kids will say, “geez, it isn’t nearly as hard as they made it look.”

When it comes to giving, perhaps nobody is more affected by the crumbling of the financial markets than the legendary Tooth Fairy.  Rumors have been swirling of late that the going price for a kid’s tooth is in the tank.  For the benefit of our dedicated readers, we went straight to the source to find out how these tough economic conditions are affecting one of our most beloved of institutions.

BB: Thanks for taking the time to talk with us.  Our readers will surely appreciate it.
TF: No problem, I’ve got more time than ever these days.

BB: Wow, we always assumed that you were always busy.   What gives?
TF: Well, nowadays I’m often relegated to hoping that teeth fall out on their own.  These parents are so much better about taking their kids to the dentist these days.  And the dentists, they’re not really helping matters with all of these sealants and friendliness.  It used to be that kids hated the dentist.  Those days appear to be over.

BB: You sound like you’re rooting for kids to lose their teeth!
TF: Hey, what can I say, that’s my business!  I need those teeth.  Without them, who am I?  Why am I here?

BB: We never really thought of it that way.  What’s the toughest part about your job?
TF: Well, it used to be kicking my toes in the dark but, now, I’d have to say it’s all of these light sleepers.  Kids used to sleep so well.  Now, it seems like they barely sleep.  These are some stressed out little kids.   I can’t tell you how many times I’ve had to hide behind furniture until they fall back asleep.  The last thing I need is to be discovered!

BB: How is the economy affecting you?
TF: Hey, it affects me like it affects everyone.  These are tough times.  My portfolio has taken a beating.  Just like you, I’m cutting costs and combing the budget as carefully as possible.

BB: Is it correct to assume that travel is your biggest expense?
TF: Dude, I’m a fairy.  Travel is free.  My biggest expense is still insurance.  Blame the lawyers.

BB: Yeah, guess that makes sense.  So are you lowering the per tooth outlay to combat the changing economic climate?
TF: Without a doubt.  I remember the days when a nickel was appreciated.  Those were the glory days, the golden age.  But even when it went up to a dime, and then a quarter, I was good with it.  What hit me hardest was when it suddenly went to a dollar.  That wasn’t a product of inflation so much as it was of rising expectations.  Here I am with boxes full of quarters and then everyone thinks they deserve a dollar.  That really was the beginning of this downturn as far as I’m concerned.

BB: But you’re the Tooth Fairy; isn’t it up to you how much you leave?
TF: Sure, in theory.  But societal expectations play a role, too.  I have kids leave me notes with requests for certain dollar amounts.  I mean the expectations in this job are huge.  People don’t realize that.  I get pressure from grandparents, even.  I’ve got grandparents who threaten to supplement the tooth price if I don’t leave enough. I can’t have dirty money enter the cycle, so I’ve largely met the expectations.  It can be hard to keep up.

BB: What do you do to make sure that you have the financial strength necessary to meet these increasing expectations?
TF: Well, like everyone else, I got caught up in the recent hysteria.  I even re-financed the Fairy Castle to bridge the gap.  But that’s not sustainable, so I’ve been making adjustments.

BB: So what’s the going rate for a child’s tooth?
TF: Hey, I’m sticking with $1 dollar until market conditions change.  I adapt, though.  If I get into a house and can tell that the standard of living isn’t high, I’ll make the necessary adjustment.   I still carry plenty of coins.  The whole $5 craze of last year is dead, the way I see it.  If someone wants to sneak some extra money in there after I’ve done my job, that guilt’s on them, but they’re only getting $1 from me.

BB: Okay, our readers are dying to know; what do you do with all of those teeth?
TF: I can only tell you that a secondary market does indeed exist.  I can’t say any more about that, though.

BB: Anything that you’d like to tell our readers that we haven’t yet touched upon?
TF: Yeah, have some faith, already.  I can’t tell you how many times I go into a kid’s room only to find that someone has already left money and taken the tooth.  Sometimes I might run a little late, but I always make it.  Show some patience with me…my territory is the entire world!

BB: One last question…
TF: Sorry, I have to go.  I just got an IM about a kid that lost four teeth to a baseball impact.   I’ve got get to Japan before the sun comes up.

BB: Okay, thanks for your time.

Well, there you have it.  Even the tooth fairy is struggling.  Join us next time as we ask the Easter Bunny to address accusations that he is conspiring with the Tooth Fairy to expedite tooth decay and loss.