When it comes to giving, perhaps nobody is more affected by the crumbling of the financial markets than the legendary Tooth Fairy. Rumors have been swirling of late that the going price for a kid’s tooth is in the tank. For the benefit of our dedicated readers, we went straight to the source to find out how these tough economic conditions are affecting one of our most beloved of institutions.
BB: Thanks for taking the time to talk with us. Our readers will surely appreciate it.
TF: No problem, I’ve got more time than ever these days.
BB: Wow, we always assumed that you were always busy. What gives?
TF: Well, nowadays I’m often relegated to hoping that teeth fall out on their own. These parents are so much better 
about taking their kids to the dentist these days. And the dentists, they’re not really helping matters with all of these sealants and friendliness. It used to be that kids hated the dentist. Those days appear to be over.
BB: You sound like you’re rooting for kids to lose their teeth!
TF: Hey, what can I say, that’s my business! I need those teeth. Without them, who am I? Why am I here?
BB: We never really thought of it that way. What’s the toughest part about your job?
TF: Well, it used to be kicking my toes in the dark but, now, I’d have to say it’s all of these light sleepers. Kids used to sleep so well. Now, it seems like they barely sleep. These are some stressed out little kids. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve had to hide behind furniture until they fall back asleep. The last thing I need is to be discovered!
BB: How is the economy affecting you?
TF: Hey, it affects me like it affects everyone. These are tough times. My portfolio has taken a beating. Just like you, I’m cutting costs and combing the budget as carefully as possible.
BB: Is it correct to assume that travel is your biggest expense?
TF: Dude, I’m a fairy. Travel is free. My biggest expense is still insurance. Blame the lawyers.
BB: Yeah, guess that makes sense. So are you lowering the per tooth outlay to combat the changing economic climate?
TF: Without a doubt. I remember the days when a nickel was appreciated. Those were the glory days, the golden age. But even when it went up to a dime, and then a quarter, I was good with it. What hit me hardest was when it suddenly went to a dollar. That wasn’t a product of inflation so much as it was of rising expectations. Here I am with boxes full of quarters and then everyone thinks they deserve a dollar. That really was the beginning of this downturn as far as I’m concerned.
BB: But you’re the Tooth Fairy; isn’t it up to you how much you leave?
TF: Sure, in theory. But societal expectations play a role, too. I have kids leave me notes with requests for certain dollar amounts. I mean the expectations in this job are huge. People don’t realize that. I get pressure from grandparents, even. I’ve got grandparents who threaten to supplement the tooth price if I don’t leave enough. I can’t have dirty money enter the cycle, so I’ve largely met the expectations. It can be hard to keep up.
BB: What do you do to make sure that you have the financial strength necessary to meet these increasing expectations?
TF: Well, like everyone else, I got caught up in the recent hysteria. I even re-financed the Fairy Castle to bridge the gap. But that’s not sustainable, so I’ve been making adjustments.
BB: So what’s the going rate for a child’s tooth?
TF: Hey, I’m sticking with $1 dollar until market conditions change. I adapt, though. If I get into a house and can tell that the standard of living isn’t high, I’ll make the necessary adjustment. I still carry plenty of coins. The whole $5 craze of last year is dead, the way I see it. If someone wants to sneak some extra money in there after I’ve done my job, that guilt’s on them, but they’re only getting $1 from me.
BB: Okay, our readers are dying to know; what do you do with all of those teeth?
TF: I can only tell you that a secondary market does indeed exist. I can’t say any more about that, though.
BB: Anything that you’d like to tell our readers that we haven’t yet touched upon?
TF: Yeah, have some faith, already. I can’t tell you how many times I go into a kid’s room only to find that someone has already left money and taken the tooth. Sometimes I might run a little late, but I always make it. Show some patience with me…my territory is the entire world!
BB: One last question…
TF: Sorry, I have to go. I just got an IM about a kid that lost four teeth to a baseball impact. I’ve got get to Japan before the sun comes up.
BB: Okay, thanks for your time.
Well, there you have it. Even the tooth fairy is struggling. Join us next time as we ask the Easter Bunny to address accusations that he is conspiring with the Tooth Fairy to expedite tooth decay and loss.
BB: Thanks for taking the time to talk with us. Our readers will surely appreciate it.
TF: No problem, I’ve got more time than ever these days.
BB: Wow, we always assumed that you were always busy. What gives?
TF: Well, nowadays I’m often relegated to hoping that teeth fall out on their own. These parents are so much better about taking their kids to the dentist these days. And the dentists, they’re not really helping matters with all of these sealants and friendliness. It used to be that kids hated the dentist. Those days appear to be over.
BB: You sound like you’re rooting for kids to lose their teeth!
TF: Hey, what can I say, that’s my business! I need those teeth. Without them, who am I? Why am I here?
BB: We never really thought of it that way. What’s the toughest part about your job?
TF: Well, it used to be kicking my toes in the dark but, now, I’d have to say it’s all of these light sleepers. Kids used to sleep so well. Now, it seems like they barely sleep. These are some stressed out little kids. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve had to hide behind furniture until they fall back asleep. The last thing I need is to be discovered!
BB: How is the economy affecting you?
TF: Hey, it affects me like it affects everyone. These are tough times. My portfolio has taken a beating. Just like you, I’m cutting costs and combing the budget as carefully as possible.
BB: Is it correct to assume that travel is your biggest expense?
TF: Dude, I’m a fairy. Travel is free. My biggest expense is still insurance. Blame the lawyers.
BB: Yeah, guess that makes sense. So are you lowering the per tooth outlay to combat the changing economic climate?
TF: Without a doubt. I remember the days when a nickel was appreciated. Those were the glory days, the golden age. But even when it went up to a dime, and then a quarter, I was good with it. What hit me hardest was when it suddenly went to a dollar. That wasn’t a product of inflation so much as it was of rising expectations. Here I am with boxes full of quarters and then everyone thinks they deserve a dollar. That really was the beginning of this downturn as far as I’m concerned.
BB: But you’re the Tooth Fairy; isn’t it up to you how much you leave?
TF: Sure, in theory. But societal expectations play a role, too. I have kids leave me notes with requests for certain dollar amounts. I mean the expectations in this job are huge. People don’t realize that. I get pressure from grandparents, even. I’ve got grandparents who threaten to supplement the tooth price if I don’t leave enough. I can’t have dirty money enter the cycle, so I’ve largely met the expectations. It can be hard to keep up.
BB: What do you do to make sure that you have the financial strength necessary to meet these increasing expectations?
TF: Well, like everyone else, I got caught up in the recent hysteria. I even re-financed the Fairy Castle to bridge the gap. But that’s not sustainable, so I’ve been making adjustments.
BB: So what’s the going rate for a child’s tooth?
TF: Hey, I’m sticking with $1 dollar until market conditions change. I adapt, though. If I get into a house and can tell that the standard of living isn’t high, I’ll make the necessary adjustment. I still carry plenty of coins. The whole $5 craze of last year is dead, the way I see it. If someone wants to sneak some extra money in there after I’ve done my job, that guilt’s on them, but they’re only getting $1 from me.
BB: Okay, our readers are dying to know; what do you do with all of those teeth?
TF: I can only tell you that a secondary market does indeed exist. I can’t say any more about that, though.
BB: Anything that you’d like to tell our readers that we haven’t yet touched upon?
TF: Yeah, have some faith, already. I can’t tell you how many times I go into a kid’s room only to find that someone has already left money and taken the tooth. Sometimes I might run a little late, but I always make it. Show some patience with me…my territory is the entire world!
BB: One last question…
TF: Sorry, I have to go. I just got an IM about a kid that lost four teeth to a baseball impact. I’ve got get to Japan before the sun comes up.
BB: Okay, thanks for your time.
Well, there you have it. Even the tooth fairy is struggling. Join us next time as we ask the Easter Bunny to address accusations that he is conspiring with the Tooth Fairy to expedite tooth decay and loss.
